salt the planet

Yesterday was my day to visit people in the hospital. At our church, we divide visits throughout the month among the ministers and I really enjoy visiting people in the hospital and nursing homes. Some may think that's a little weird, but for me its a chance to minister to people and their families: to directly support them, love them, and pray for them, asking for God's peace and presence. Being in a "larger" church context I don't often get this direct ministry opportunity, but rather try to lead others to minister directly. As I visit with different families and spend time with them, listening to their lives, I feel apprehensive at times about how to pray for them, especially if I have not had much time to talk with them. This is often the case for families who are in a dire situation.

Last night I entered the room with a family gathered around their loved one. I could not stay long due to the circumstance, but I was able to pray with them. As I walked from the room, I realized that I had prayed for God's presence, his peace, and wisdom in decision making for the family, but not directly for physical healing. Turning to leave and slowly making my way down the hall, I wondered if that was the right decision (as often happens when I do or do not pray for physical healing). I recognize the scriptural basis for God's answering of prayer and for praying for physical healing, yet many times I am fearful to pray this prayer. If I do pray for it, sometimes I either hedge by praying for "healing in every aspect," i.e. peace of mind, trust in God, and hope or I do not ask in faith that God will physically heal this person.

As I meandered back to the elevator, these questions swirled around my mind and my heart.

Well, I just received word that this person I visited passed away this morning. My thoughts swirl again at this abrupt change from life to death. A person who, just yesterday, was present in body is now present with the Lord. I just saw them last night. Living, breathing, being loved and surrounded. I wonder if I had asked God to heal physically, would this have changed anything?

What I do trust is that, though I doubted my prayer last night, God prompted me to pray those words for those people in that space at that time. I was His conduit, listening to Him so that I could ask those things from Him so the family might receive Him, in fullness. And now, that prayer continues in my heart.

Does this mean that I now fully see God working in me perfectly last night? Not exactly. Its more of a faith thing, that is, something I do not see, but hope for. So, I have to continue to trust that he is working in me to will and to act according to his good purpose, even and especially when I don't see it.

I will still be apprehensive about praying for physical healing when I visit people in the hospital, but I recognize that God loves those families I visit so much, that he can work however he wants to through a young man in constant need of redemption, moving beyond my faults, foibles, and swirling questions and doubt to reveal His presence to the world just a little more.

And I just desire to be a part.